Hometown Folks Couldn’t Care Less About Emerging Singer

Guy who doesn't care

Tommy Jones of “I’m So Country Yeehaw” is shocked. “I was all set up in Mom’s basement ready to tear into this new singer because he sucked, and I was all ready for the haters to come my way”. Unfortunately for Tommy, the haters never showed despite him giving new singer Bobby Craig a “negative 3 out of 10”.

“Every damn time I say a negative comment about an independent artist, I usually get flooded with comments from the artist’s hometown folks. Usually they feed me a bunch of bologna about how talented the artist is and how they won every singing competition, and every spelling bee and every hot dog eating contest. Even on the more positive reviews they still find that one sentence that mentions some criticism and berate for forever and a day. They tell me “I don’t get it” and that “I obviously have bad taste in music”, exclaimed Tommy.

But for Bobby Craig? Nothin’. “I used to let the comments bother me, and now I sometimes do it just for fun so I can piss people off, and the fact that nobody disagrees that Bobby sucks is a little troubling to me”.

So Tommy took action by traveling to Craig’s hometown of Golden Springs, Colorado to find out what was up, and ultimately Tommy was shocked at the results. Gerald Peterson of Peterson’s Country Store stated, “Oh I remember Tommy. That good for nothin’ punk used to come in here and steal from my store regularly! I hope he fails on that American Voice show or whatever the kids are calling it these days”. When we asked his old high school choral teacher, Angela Tompkins what she had to say, she stated that Tommy would always be singing in the choral room on his own. She stated it sounded something along the lines of “acrapella”. She also stated she’s “had to replace more windows than she cares to think of because of that boy”.

Tommy was shocked by the responses, but he figured that at least Bobby’s parents would have something nice to say, right? Wrong. While they wouldn’t admit to liking Bobby’s brother Jacob better, they sort of implied it when they stated they loved “Jacob and not-Jacob equally”.

With his questions answered, Tommy returned home to find his mother with a snack waiting for him as he headed down to the basement. He decided to log onto Twitter to see if his review had caught any buzz, and lo and behold, he had one notification waiting for him. BobbyCraigFanz4Life tweeted out that Tommy’s review was pure garbage, and while that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, he was disappointed to find out that the only other person who followed that account was Bobby Craig himself. “It’s almost as if he even had to create his own superfan account. Ha! And I thought I was a loser!” said Tommy as he finished off the last of his hot pocket.

“You know, if literally nobody likes this guy, how did he get to where he is?” pondered Tommy as he pulled up a picture of Bobby Craig. “I mean, he dresses like a hooligan! Backwards ballcap, tore up jeans, slicked back hair….seriously, what does Na$hville $ee in thi$ guy?!?”


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