(Editor’s Note: This is all in good fun. I am literally poking fun at an exaggerated version of myself here.)
HOPE SPRINGS, ARKANSAS – Self-described classic, Americana and alt-country fan Todd Wentworth is recovering from an existential crisis he endured after discovering that he in fact likes a modern mainstream country music song. Wentworth recounted the details of his harrowing experience exclusively to CMM:
“So I was minding my own business, going through my morning routine of reading all my favorite country music blogs like I always do, and that’s when it happened. I clicked on a review for the latest single by a popular mainstream country music band. I quickly scrolled down past the boring stuff to see if the rating was low like I hoped it would be, and sure enough it was. I then excitedly clicked on the included Youtube video of the song, intending to leave a pithy and original comment on how the song was so bad I couldn’t even make it thirty seconds in.
But not only did I make it thirty seconds, I was able to listen the entire song. Sure, it wasn’t a masterpiece and it wasn’t particularly country, but it was far from the unspeakable crime against humanity that I expected it to be. In fact, in a way, I kind of liked it. It made for a nice change of pace from all the stuff I normally listen to.
That’s when my head started pounding and the room started spinning. I literally couldn’t believe it. A modern mainstream country song that’s actually pretty decent? Impossible. It’s been a bedrock truth in my universe that such songs are always awful. It’s like everything I knew was a lie, and I began to question everything I believed, like I was living in the Matrix. What, next are you going to tell me the Cubs won the World Series?”
At press time, Wentworth had the mainstream single in question stuck on repeat, but was still insisting that current popular country is inherently worthless. He apparently resolved the cognitive dissonance in his head by chalking the song up as a “guilty pleasure.”
“Whew”, he said. “That was a close one.”